1. Think girls are worth less than boys.

2. Believe Wheaties in an old Cool-Whip bowl is a great dinner.

3. Reject mistakes as part of the mastery cycle.

4. Judge fragile insides by the robust, outward appearance of others.

5. Lie awake at night wondering, “Why me?”

6. Consider the F-word clever because it can be every part of speech.

7. Opine school clubs and extra-curricular activities are a waste of time.

8. Say “Yes,” when the right answer is “No.”

9. Say “No,” when the right answer is “Yes.”

10. Employ anger as a versatile, default emotion.

Spit!

Wait!

I mistitled the list!

It should read: Top 10 Things My Mom Did That She Didn’t Want Me to Do.

And even though
It all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah!