A Whole New Kind of Year

Today was the first time since before I graduated that I did not return to the classroom on the teacher’s first day.

It has been a sadly surreal day Here.

The smell of crayons triggers anxiety and I miss my babies.

I know I am where I am Called to be.
I just wish I wanted it with the same certainty.

I feel like layers of my skin have been rubbed raw by sand paper and rubbing alcohol.

It only hurts a bit at first and then the pain blots out reason.

I also discovered that I have substitution resistance like an allergic reaction to a generic prescription.

I sat among a group of Godly women tonight and felt more alone and anonymous than I have in years.

I know I can not replace what I had There Here.
I don’t want to be replaced There either.

I,
I,
I,
I,
I,
I…
how very Veruca of me, Dr. Freud.

Thank heaven there is YOU!

In actuality He states my only, ultimate need:
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; (Psalm 46:10).

I trust Him.
It’s a good plan, not easy, but good.
I am not in my classroom.
I am in His classroom.
He is Teacher.
I am student.
It’s a whole new kind of year.
He is with me.

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah