Mamma Realities Survey

1. Please select from the list below the description that best fits your domestic situation:

a.  Having as much fun as chicken have teeth.
b. Bobbing for apples and having a party!
c. Pressing into each other come what may.

2. Marital Status:

a. It’s complicated.
b. Newlywed!
c. Married.

3. Number of children in your home:

a. 6
b. 2 perfect angels!
c. >2<6

4. Age:

a. Mind your own damn business.
b. 26!
c. I’ve discovered that my real measurements have nothing to do with numbers or statistics.

5. Weight:

a. I know where you live. I know where your children go to school.
b. 104 pounds!
c. I’ve discovered that my real measurements have nothing to do with numbers or statistics.

6. Household income:

a. Don’t make me slap you.
b. Over $100K
c. We have enough, and know how to be creative and careful.

7. How many times per month do you do something fun and just for yourself?

a. 0 (And the answer would be the same if you had asked me times per YEAR.)
b. 4
c. At least 1, and sometimes 2.

8. Which best describes your nutrition plan?

a. Cheetoes and Shiraz
b. Vegan
c. I don’t know, but it’s gotta be quick, easy and yummy.

9. Which best describes your exercise program?

a. Couch, coffee and Camels.
b. 3 Spin classes a week, 3 weight resistance sessions with personal trainer, and run inbetween 12-20 miles per week.
c. Move more than I eat.

10. Which life issue concerns you most?

a. Crippling Credit Card debt.
b. Spiritual/Personal Wellness
c. Balance

11. When is the last time you went to the bathroom alone?

a. 1995
b. Yesterday
c. I can’t remember.

12. Of what are you most afraid?

a. The children will never move out.
b. Stretch marks.
c. Not having enough resources to serve my children equally well.

13. About what are you passionate?

a. Control
b. My husband!
c. Sleep

14. Do you participate in any groups or clubs that do not involve your children?

a. I don’t participate in any groups or clubs period.
b. Of course!
c. I can’t remember.

15. How would you describe your present emotional state?

a. Like sand under a contact lens.
b. Majestic.
c. Uneven with periods of partial forgetfulness.

If you answered mostly As:

You are in need of some serious attitude rehydration. Clearly, anger has seeped into your green tea and your choking on the bitter dregs. Consider a spa day to rejuvinate the Spririt, mind and body. Nourish the relationships in your life with Light, Love and attention before your attitude makes you lose them. Count your blessings. Rehearse solutionas, not problems, and get your arse off your shoulders.

If you answered mostly Bs:

You either never burp, fart or swear, or you are in denial deeper than the Nile, baby. No one is that perfect. Get over yourself.

If you answered mostly Cs:

You are a Mamma warrior who chooses to rise and lift her voice in Hallelujah. You go, sister!

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah!