Today was the first time since before I graduated that I did not return to the classroom on the teacher’s first day.

It has been a sadly surreal day Here.

The smell of crayons triggers anxiety and I miss my babies.

I know I am where I am Called to be.
I just wish I wanted it with the same certainty.

I feel like layers of my skin have been rubbed raw by sand paper and rubbing alcohol.

It only hurts a bit at first and then the pain blots out reason.

I also discovered that I have substitution resistance like an allergic reaction to a generic prescription.

I sat among a group of Godly women tonight and felt more alone and anonymous than I have in years.

I know I can not replace what I had There Here.
I don’t want to be replaced There either.

how very Veruca of me, Dr. Freud.

Thank heaven there is YOU!

In actuality He states my only, ultimate need:
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; (Psalm 46:10).

I trust Him.
It’s a good plan, not easy, but good.
I am not in my classroom.
I am in His classroom.
He is Teacher.
I am student.
It’s a whole new kind of year.
He is with me.

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah